Thursday, September 28, 2006

my mustache still tastes like your butt

two nights ago i had to speak to 50 concerned residents about the main project that i've been working on for two years. for two hours i respectfully answered their questions, only to be told that my ideas were horrible, and that i've obviously forgotten where i came from to suggest such a development.

you see, i don't have the most popular job to someone who lives in the boonies. i'm that guy who steals the land, and builds mega-malls and horrible gated neighborhoods. i only do this to make everyone angry, because we all know that nobody shops in malls, dines at restaurants, or lives in a *gasp* HOUSE.

so i still have a bad taste in my mouth of this job, and the "neighbors" of my project. but at least the taste isn't stuck in my mustache.

speaking of mustache's...my good friend Borat finally got his documentary filmed and it is coming out in the theaters. please go see it, you owe it to yourself.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I'M BAAAAACK

Seriously, who starts a blog and waits for over a month to do a new posting?!

Alot has happened in the last month: great friend from high school had the most amazing wedding the world hadth ever seen (still can't believe the surprise that they pulled, i mean Lance Bass was the best wedding singer ever), went to NYC for my 2.3 year college reunion (can't wait till the 2.5 year), visited friends in charleston, s.c. (which i continually refer to as savannah), had my first physical in 10 years (turn and cough), gas got cheaper, the list goes on and on.

But, this past weekend capped off the craziness. I got an early start on the weekend last wednesday by starting the two-day celebration of my friend's birthday. She came in town for "training at work" but we all know it was really just to see me. Went out her first night for the bottomless pot of sake, and miraculously got to work on time the next morning. Her second night in town was the true celebration including dinner with friends at this great new restaurant (Midnight Blue...go there, get the mac and cheese, and a bottle of the McManis Viognier) and then a wonderful evening of club hopping with all of my [least] favorite frat guys and sorostitutes. (Which, let me touch on that a little more. When i was in school, i really enjoyed seeing the date-partygoers arrive at a bar after they'd been imbibing in some, what i thought to be, funny and creative costumes. It could be a country club theme, and everyone would don their greatest plaid and favorite golf gloves, or it could be a hunting theme with camo jumpsuits all around. Now that i've lived a little more, i'm thoroughly annoyed by the themed costumes that these people come up with. enough ranting...) Once again, woke up on time for work the next morning (friday).

Now, all day friday was spent reliving these glorious moments in my head, wishing to be anywhere but in meetings or at my desk. Then, after lunch, i finally decided to bite the bullet and visit my friend at the university of florida. His friends were having a birthday party, that allegedly was a guaranteed good time. And how can a luau/jimmy buffet party not be a good time? So i went costume shopping after work with a friend who was coming with me for the shenanigans, and i finally decided on the grass skirt and coconut bra combo. Luckily i wasn't the only one wearing that outfit when i got there, so i didn't feel too out of place. But the party was crazy. There was a paper hula girl, who i obligated myself to make sure was having a nice time, there was a gallon bottle of fish oil pills that we all took turns eating (which i would highly not recommend, ever), and there was plenty to drink since half of the partygoers were cross country runners who apparently had a morning practice the next day, during which i may or may not have still been awake.

Saturday i had to come back to o-town for a concert with my aunt, uncle, and best friend. I love concerts, i love the house of blues, and i enjoy almost all types of bands and music. But i have to say that i was a little nervous going into the evening. The main act was called "Reverend Horton Heat" which seemed normal enough, or enough so that i wasn't worried about bird decapitations or self-torture, but the opening act had me worried. They were called "horrorpops" and all i could find online explained it as Danish Psychobilly music with crazy mohawks and wild on-stage performances. Hoping to miss this band, my friend and i arrived an hour after the doors opened. Not to worry though, horrorpops was just starting! They turned out to be pretty good, and the on-stage dancers, in their little bo peep outfits and oversized lollipops, were very entertaining. The main act was even better (with the exception of their strange fan base, the un-bathed subset of which all congregated around me) and proved make for another great concert under my belt. I got home at a reasonable hour that night, ignoring the devil-horned voice in my head prodding me to stay out longer.

Sunday should've been lazy. Of course it wasn't. There was a surprise birthday party being thrown for my friend who officially knows everyone in o-town. One to never miss a party, especially with surprises, i had to go. The cliff's notes version goes something like this: they had an open bar with bartenders at this house, and two rooms full of food (lobster, clams, shrimp, beef kabobs, chicken kabobs, more shrimp, scallops, cheese...

sorry i just drooled on the keyboard

there was a piano playing itself, candles everywhere, and this house was amazing even down to the decorative platters with fake vegetables arranged on them, which were in fact real vegetables, and hand-painted artwork (i thought everyone had posters of jim belushi and the hawaiian tropic girls). i met everyone i read about in the newspaper (not the bad articles), parents of people i know, siblings of people i know, and even some relatives of people i don't know. i was even offered tickets to a play and a ballet because some people get too busy to use them. After about 5 hours of this uncharacteristic sunday bash, with the party winding down, the announcement was made that the club that the guest of honor owns, which is closed on sundays, would be made open just for all of us. now this is quite possibly a dream come true, and from that point on it felt like it was my birthday too. i'm not sure if you know this, but during my stint working at a restuarant as a host, all i wanted to do was bartend. i dreamt of it everyday i worked there, and for a brief, but devine, two months i did tend the bar. so arriving at a club on a night that no staff or other patrons were there, all i wanted to do was bartend. of course my dreams came crashing down when the bartender from the house party showed up to assist at the club party. soon thereafter i forgot about my bar denial and made my way up a ladder to the dj booth / club command center. quite possibly the greatest thing i've ever seen; three turntables, two cd players, two dvd players, video and audio mixing boards, computerized lights that change color and dance with the music. now i know why dj's think they're god, because they gotta be phenomenal to work all that stuff at the same time. i tried my hand at matching beats and bending pitches, but figured everyone downstairs listening would prefer it if i just pushed play and left it alone.

so the party day sunday was amazing, and i imagine made everyone feel like it was their birthday. all this made the return to work today a little difficult, and monday is already starting at a loss. i can't wait to see what this week/weekend has in store.

but enough about me...