Thursday, April 19, 2007

more than words

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the past few days have been _______ (adjective).

this is quite possibly the most difficult ad-lib i've ever tried to fill out. every minute the word that i would use to fill in the blank changes. many words i have repeated; difficult, saddening, angering, confusing, exhausting...

"where are we,
what the hell
is going on?"

i spent five years in what seemed to me like heaven. and in one blindingly quick morning, it became many people's hell. since the events of monday, time has slowed to a near halt for me. i can't begin to fathom the creeping pace at which time is lumbering on for my hokies still in blacksburg or those whose lives have been directly affected by these events.

something like this changes your mind, your heart, your way of life, your opinion of the future.

to watch the reports of something like this is difficult. it is universal. anyone can imagine this happening at any school they've attended. you don't want to, but you can't help but think "this could've been my high school, or my college, or my best friend's school..." your mind may be taken back to similar incidences in the past. but you try to not think about it like that.

for me, watching monday's aftermath hit close. five of the greatest years of my life were in those dormitories and classrooms that are beginning to look familiar to many. i've walked those sidewalks, entered those dorms, and sat in those same classrooms. i knew, learned with, and worked with some of the faces i've seen in these memorials. never in my wildest nightmares could i ever have imagined something like this, and never in my greatest moment of weakness could i ever wish this upon my greatest enemy.

this week has been the tallest, fastest, and craziest emotional roller coaster that i've ever been on. it has brought back memories of the greatest teachers i've ever had. i've remembered specific classes that finally made an education 'click.' it has brought back the fear and the excitement of my first year ever living away from home. i've remembered those early winter mornings, the constant commotion of dorm life, and the friendship and camaraderie that comes from being on a hall with a dozen other people in the same position. it has brought back the excitement and nervousness of leaving such a great place to start the next chapter of your life. it has brought back the pride of being one with a campus. but it has also brought back the pain of loss. i've remembered how the college years coincide with the loss of the innocence of youth. that people you love and care about very deeply are not always with us forever.

"It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word.
We are screaming inside but we can't be heard."

i wanted to be there, with my fellow hokies. i wanted to attend the memorials. i wanted to hold someone who knew the history that you have coming from that place. i wanted to comfort those who lost. and i needed comfort in knowing that we will all make it past this.

sometimes its tough to avoid the sadness. it could be another memorial on the internet. it could be a song that gets me in that very moment that it chills me to the bone. it could be the account of someone who was able to escape the mayhem. it could be remembering my own losses when i was there. or, it could be as simple as talking to someone still there, and hearing them go through their own ups and downs.

but i have the knowledge that we'll all find comfort, peace, and happiness. time marches on, and brings with it new days. it reminds us of the friendships that we still have, the great things to come, and the memories that we'll never lose.

lastly, i wanted to be back in blacksburg to hear nikki giovanni speak to a world of hokies, because winning a nobel prize in poetry is destined to mean that you've got a great mastery of words. part of her speech really explained my up and down cycle of emotion.

"we are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly,
we are brave enough to bend to cry,
and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again."

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

i feel real ungodly

its been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time

this has been quite the new year so far. lots of emotion and thought.

where to live.
what to do with my life.
how to find happiness.

why does college equal a good job equal long hours equal success equal the universal goal in life?

i just had one of the greatest trips of my life. i spent almost a week in manhattan. moved my sister into her new apartment. got to know nyc as more of a local than a tourist. drove a car there for the first time (i think i should be a cabbie). stayed with my best friend from college and tracked down all his fave spots. finally met his local best friend. got used to cold weather again (or drank enough to not feel said cold weather). realized that my local celebrity in orlando is equally as known (c-list at least) in nyc. drank the world's best mojito. ate in teh world's most silicon filled restaurant. drove to florida. stayed at a friends on the way back and had more fun on oscar night than should be legal. saw my grandpa (which happens all to infrequently). deprived myself of sleep...

so much craziness happened whilst away.

alas, i'm back home now. in a funk. not sure the root of the funk. it could be from the return to reality. could be from finding happiness elsewhere causing confusion. could be that i really do like the cold weather (although i seriously doubt that). could be the idea that i have to leave again in two days.

but i'm excited about that. i go for my annual trip to philly. mainly for work reasons, but i always go early to hang with a great friend. hopefully the trip will be a distraction and cause a euphoric bubble around my mind/body/soul.

but for now, i stay laced with inner struggle. against my voices. against others' voices. against my wishes. and against others' ideals. but i'm a warrior, and i shall win...eventually.

she's a warrior too:

Thursday, November 30, 2006

they just for decoration

and i thought living behind the fire department was loud...


if you live near me, you might want to pay attention to this next part:

this weekend should prove to be very eventful. weather permitting, i'll be hosting the eastern conference championships of the National Walk It Out Association. that's right, NWIOA will be here, on the pool deck, saturday afternoon. there'll be soul food, booty poppin tunes, and maybe a couple surprises. so get at me and i'll give you the time to be here. and remember, as always, it's BYO40.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

foosball is not the devil

i love the fall. it brings great weather. it makes the leaves change colors (and when they fall, there's nothing i love more than driving on winding mountain roads and seeing the leaves kick up behind as you zoom by). it makes the air smell fresh, except for the week of alergy hell. and, most importantly, it is football season.

i'm not the biggest fan of pro football. after all, growing up in florida only gave me two choices; the dolphins, who everyone outside of miami hate, and the bucs, who have historically sucked more than leaches in a muddy creek (i don't know, i was really reaching for that one). college football, on the other hand, is glorious. we've usually got great teams in florida, and fortunately i went to virginia tech during the reign of Mike Vick. college football has come to symbolize all the great parts of the fall. it brings great sports, great outdoor weather, stupid sunglasses tans, hot dogs, cold beer, and tossing the pig skin (HOT ROUTE).

you may not understand this love if your school didn't have such a great sporting experience. fortunately you are not without remedy. find all the nearest universities and check the dates for their homecoming game, or a longstanding rivalry match-up. go to the game a few hours early, and walk around the parking lots nearby. pic a team to support, preferably the home team, and meet your fellow fans. you won't believe the people that are you new best friends, long lost friends, or just plain educational drinking buddies.

this weekend i was in attendance with the largest florida rivalry, florida vs. florida state. truth be told, i didn't have a team to cheer on. my team is in the same conference as the home team, and thus was hard pressed to wish for their win, and the other team has long been one of my less favorites. so i did what anyone in my place would do; i wore the colors of MY team who happened to be playing at the same time (3 states away). i went with a bunch of friends to tailgate before the game with the law students, and was pleasantly surprised by the fun factor. oddly enough the vast majority of the tailgaters were actually fans of the visiting team (tailgatOrs, if you will), and didn't all sound like perry mason or ben matlock. they even had pre-sliced bagels for all of us slackers who didn't eat before arriving to drinker-ville. another party we stopped by was even better, and for one sole reason. they had natural light. call it what you will, bad taste, bad genes, or just being cheap, but i LOVE natty light. and when offered one at 10am, i begin to hear angels trumpeting and the trans-siberian railroad softly playing Canon in D. long story short, tailgating was a blast, and got me well-polluted for the game.

the game, even though i assumed it would be a blowout, and i'm ALWAYS right, was great. it was entertaining enough to make me forget that i was roasting in the sun. luckilly i had the foresight to take off my shirt in the 90 degree heat in a futile attempt to get some color on my sad excuse for a floridian body. yes, that object brighter than the sun coming from the student section was not a low-flying supernova, it was my sexy body. i was just making sure you got your money's worth in those sunglasses.

at any rate, there's still a couple great football games coming up. pick at least one from the list below, and i'll even throw in some predicitions for the bowl games:
BCS Championship: Ohio St. vs. USC (Ohio St.)
Sugar Bowl: Arkansas vs. Notre Dame (Arkansas)
Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Louisville (Louisville)
Capital One Bowl: Florida vs. Wisconsin (Florida)
Outback Bowl: Penn St. vs. LSU (LSU)
Peach Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Georgia (Virginia Tech)


random tidbits:

listen to this song:
fear by sarah mclachlan (lunsaol remix by rabbit in the moon)

check out my friend kelly, she's got some great songs too...


p.s. if any of you know mother nature, you need to tell her that this "snow in florida" doesn't cut it. we all live in this state in order to avoid crap like that.

that is all.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

no, i know i can't dance

i've never been a dancer (except that one time in college dressed as michael jackson...nevermind). i don't know much about "technique" and the moves that pro-dancers do. that being said, i watched the show "So You Think You Can Dance" some last spring, and enjoyed some of the performances. unfortunately, i quit watching before it got really good. much like any other reality tv contests like american idol, dancing with the stars, america's got talent, the episodes in the beginning are the best. that's when they show the horrible, delusional people who truly think they're great because someone told them so.

well this clip was in one of the last episodes of SYTYCD, and it is phenomenal. i didn't know something like this was a dance, but its great, and fits together with an amazing song.

and hopefully i'll have some fun stories for you next week, because i'm going to a concert tomorrow night for the Yeah Yeah Yeah's at one of my fave places, Hard Rock Live. I'm also having a cooking party, cause now i'm a pro, all day saturday. who knows, i may even set up a camera so i can make a cooking tv show to post to youtube...

oh, and i almost forgot, GO HOKIES!